Soul Friends and Spiritual Wellness

For many years now I've had a deep appreciation for the ancient Celtic people of the British Islands who emerged from Druidism to become followers of Jesus Christ.  What was unique about the Celts was that their Christian spirituality emerged and flourished without being impacted by the institutional Roman church (until the devastating 7th-century Synod of Whitby.)  They were distinctly not Catholic or protestant.  They were simply followers of Jesus.  As such, they enjoyed rich, meaningful components of their faith that have since been lost to us in the Catholic or protestant systems.

One such component of their faith was the nurturing of relationships with what they called, "soul friends."  The Christian world around them at the time proclaimed that the most important relationship one could have was their relationship with the church, her doctrines, and the priest who would administer to them the sacraments.  Outside of this, there could be no relationship with God.  The Celts, on the other hand, understood that their relationship with God did not depend upon any institution or clerical middle-man.  But they did find that their relationship with God was deeply nourished through their relationship with a soul friend.

A soul friend was somebody who was as close to you as a brother or sister.  He was a person who you spent time with, a substantial amount of time, working, playing, eating together, talking, laughing, crying.  The relationship between soul friends was one of such trust that either person could freely share the deepest, darkest secrets of their life without fear of judgment or violation of that trust.  In such a relationship the heart could be laid bare for transformation to occur.  Because there were no secrets between soul friends, neither person could hide within an illusion that they were keeping something hidden from God. 

Soul friends are hard to find in our culture.  We Americans are so individualistic, so busy, and so religious that when we do try to find such relationships we end up with something we like to call "accountability partners."  Our attempt at this is a pitiful caricature of what they enjoyed.  Unlike the relationship with a "soul friend," our "accountability" relationships lead to bondage, guilt, deception, deterioration of friendships and a retreat to isolation.  In the Celtic practice, authentic relationship came first, with trust, vulnerability, honesty, and restoration being a natural fruit of that relationship.

As difficult as it is to cultivate in our culture, it is a component of spiritual wellness that I think we need to work hard to resurrect.  I'm interested to know if any readers are enjoying vital "soul friend" relationships, how you found your soul friend, and how that relationship is lived out from day-to-day.

Comments

[She]

I am lucky enough to have 3 people in my life that I would call my "soul friends". The first one I met at work. We clicked right away. We lost touch for over a year. Then one day, we both walked into the same store. And we have been in touch ever since. Its going on ten years now. The next one, I was renting a room in a house of strangers. She moved in two days later. Once again, there was an instant bonding/clicking. We have been the best of friends since. The third one is my fiance. I met him at a bonfire camp-out. We started as friends, then went on from there. All my soul friends I have known for almost a decade. I would be lost without them. I am so thankful to have them in my life.

[gmarie]

" In such a relationship the heart could be laid bare for transformation to occur. Because there were no secrets between soul friends...keeping something hidden from God." I think you nailed it with the "accountability partners". Yes, I do have that but why oh why so rare? I like your blog.

[Wayfarerjon]

You have written about something that is vitally important. If we have just one soul friend we are blessed, but two and it must seem like heaven. Most of the teaching I have heard on this subject comes from the States, so I thought it was the norm in America? It goes without saying of course, that any relationship with a soul friend must not come before our relationship with God and should not 'threaten' any marriage relationship, but compliment it. My best friend is my wife.

[isabella mori]

hi there - beautiful post. the deterioration into something as PC as "accountability partners" is really quite sad.

i am very fortunately that i am part of a community where sharing of our spiritual joys, struggles and bewilderments are encouraged and celebrated.

[Travis Hawkley]

Just like Tony, I was fortunate enough to marry my soul friend. The first time I met her, I was drawn to her. No in the "love at first sight" sense, but rather I simply knew that she was going to be of utmost importance in my life. It was 8 months later that we began to really be friends and a couple of months after that. But for that whole time, I could not shake that she was going to help shape my existence. Interestingly enough, she crossed my path due to complete divine providence. God placed her in my path. We share everything, including a beautiful 15 month old daughter that is becoming part of that bond. My family has the ability to discuss anything, do anything together, or be silent and do nothing together. My every waking desire is to be with my family and feed off of their glowing spirits.
I also have two guy friends that I would consider to be my soul mates. During high school and beyond, even if we are apart for a long time, I can get together with them and feel that they understand me and want me to be my best.
I highly suggest reading the book "The Alchemist" and paying attention to it's message on people we meet.

[Patti Blount]

Larry Crabb seems to desire this same sort of friendship, as you seem to and so do I. He describes it quite clearly in his book, "The Safest Place on Earth." I believe that desire comes from God, but I'm not anyone has experienced it to the extent that it could be. Probably because of our own self-protective defenses in which the Holy Spirit is impeded from flowing. I believe as we grow in trust in Him, and die to our own agendas, control and will, we are more able to make that kind of connection progressively. I so count on the promised reality that Christ works in me to will and to do of His good pleasure. With that in place (and happening on the inside of us) we can rest assured that the connections between brothers and sisters in Christ will get closer and closer, and that by that becoming a reality , the world will know that we have love one for another, and take notice, and want to join this great family of believers.

[Tony]

My wife for one. However, I also have three men that I meet with once a week and we just visit and share our struggles. I'm not sure this a soul mate in that there are four of us. I think David and Jonathan is a good example of what you are talking about.

It is difficult to cultivate in our culture. Men can be pretty closed emotionally. I'm guilty of that.